The final days of the year are always full of mixed feelings for me. On the one hand, all the good things recede just that much further into the story of my life. On the other hand, so do the bad things. 2013 was a real mixed bag for me, coming after the extraordinary high of 2012 when I attended my 1st Creation Supernatural convention, and traveled (alone, for the first time ever) to Vancouver.
On the job front, my boss inexplicably, and without warning, moved me to a different school, one that I didn’t enjoy at all. But we do what we have to, and if it meant working in that place to help finance my Supernatural addiction, well, I just got on with it.
In March, my mother was diagnosed with cancer. Initially it was in her lungs, but, as the disease progressed, it became more obvious that it was already well established in her bones also. I ended up taking a leave of absence from work to look after her. By the time our trip to VanCon rolled around in August, it became obvious she wouldn’t last much longer. She urged us to take our trip anyway, saying she’d hang on till we got back.
VanCon was amazing. I had my lovely husband with me – enthusiastically and voluntarily, not anywhere near as reluctant as the tshirt implies. This shirt, by the way, was much admired and chortled over by fans and con guests alike. Jared thought it was hilarious, and Russ Hamilton proclaimed Ian “husband of the year”
Everyone loved my Sam & Dean dolls. It was a real buzz just carrying them around with me.
Meeting Robbie Thompson and Adam Glass was unexpected and thrilling. I almost lost my shit when Robbie recognized my dolls from the pic I tweeted to him.
And then there’s this:
You know what, as I write this, so many precious moments come to mind. Too many probably, and it’s likely you’ve already lost interest in this ramble so here’s the link to Sam & Dean’s Adventures in Vancouver http://wp.me/p3104j-8d and my highlights post from the trip http://wp.me/p3104j-8D
We had so much fun on our trip that walking into Mum’s room on our return was devastating – she’d still been up, and lucid, when we left. She passed away the week after we got back from Vancouver.
At the beginning of December our older son found himself jobless and homeless in a city 3 hours drive away. We ended up moving him and all his stuff back to our place. He’s been sleeping on our couch ever since. This has not been easy.
I’ve struggled with depression in the past. There have been periods so dark I found it difficult to leave the house, but in the past few years I’ve managed to avoid the real depths – even after my lovely nephew, Ken, was killed in a forestry accident in 2011.
Several times in the past weeks I’ve found myself teetering on the edge of that downward spiral. You want to know what kept me from slipping over the edge? I’m an extreme introvert. As a rule I don’t have “friends”. Introverts don’t tend to “need” people in the same way extroverts do.
But what saved me from that cold, black hole was my friends. The ones I’ve made online. Some of you I’ve met face to face, some I’m never likely to. But you’ve all helped. I only have to tweet that things are bad to be enveloped in cyber hugs and messages of support. There are times when the concept of SPNFamily seems to be just a huge joke. All the bitching, whining, and rudeness, to each other and to the writers/actors/crew disgusts me. I surround myself with only positive, respectful, kind people, and you’re always there for me. And if it wasn’t for Supernatural – the best TV show in the history of forever, I would never have known you.
So, from me to you, from the bottom of my fangirl heart: THANK YOU. May your 2014 be full of all the good things you could ever wish for.